Crushes! June 29, 2009

There’s been much discussion on the topic of crushes around the Fringosphere. Fringe-phenom Emily Pearlman’s seminal post on the subject can be found here. Since then fellow Fringers have made similar blog entries, Facebook notes and Twitter stats detailing their particular crushes. Always one to pick up a trend when it’s about to turn stale, here’s some insight into my crushes.

Cast Crush!

The curtain has closed on Oreo. Our cast and crew have officially disbanded. But I suspect the warm, tingly feelings I have for my former commrades will linger for some time.

Chantale Plante, director extrodinaire. She has awesome glasses and she’s touched my boobs. I told her that if I were a lesbian, I’d want her to be my girlfriend!

Sterling Lynch is the tallest man I’ve acted with.   I am a slutty sucker for dry wit, which he exudes both in person and in his fantabulous blog. Plus, doesn’t he have the best name EVER?

Robin Guy is small in stature and large with talent. Her head fits snuggly against the curve of my neck when we hug, plus she knows how to wield a crop.

J.P. Chartier may be the sweetest person of all time. He’s not afraid to give awesome hugs or hold hands. His love for Home Depot is dangerously intense, yet alluring at the same time.

Clearly Collen Sutton is beautiful. But don’t let the willowy blonde good look fool you. The Sut is hardcore, y’all. She’ll take you down if you cross her. And I’m a sucker for a person who knows how to take control.

Iyono Ede is red HAWT, y’all! She was only my prentend mother, therefore it’s not pervy for me to be awe of all the HAWTNES!

Last, but not in the least bit unfoxy is Nat Gisele. I am the Oreo. She is the reverse Oreo.   Everyone knows opposites attract. Hell, yeah!

Tent Crushes

The way to my heart is through my stomach.  Not surprisingly, my heart skipped a beat everytime I saw Those Guys At The Tent Who Made The Food. I never learned their names. There’s an excitement to anonymous flirtation. My final cup of cherries was on the house. Clearly they felt it too.

Was it my raving drunkness or was it something real? Wayne and I (and others) shared a evening of inibriated tent revelry not soon to be forgotten. But a one night stand it was not. We saw nude theatre together. Wayne even shared nachos with Phil, my man of mans. There are future plans for Karaoke. Wayne, call me!

OMG, You Are So Talented and Awesome I Wish I Were You Crushes!

Emily Pearlman. Because I’m human.

Amy Salloway. She is my in real life friend now, which blows my mind. It also makes me a little nervous, as she’s sure to discover how powerfully dorktastic I am. Hopefully I can remain alluring by wearing a series of classy but obviously low-cut t-shirts.

I struck up a conversation with Jem Rolls. About halfway through, I realized he had no idea who I was as I had never introduced myself. Also, I was talking with food in my mouth. I offered an apology which he graciously accepted. Any man who can overlook my continual breeches of basic social ettiquette is aces in my book. Plus, I like foreign accents.

Kate Smith. I would like to go on record as stating that I had the hots for Kate looong before we saw her never clothed. The nudity has simply added a new layer of realism to my fantasies.

Thank you everyone involved in Ottawa Fringe 2009 for the funnest, most inspirational, sexiest summer yet. I lust for you!